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I think many people will be surprised that the next Remarkable Women I am writing about is my step sons mom, Amanda. I have been very hesitant to write this blog post. I have talked myself into it and right back out of it several dozen times. Having a blended family in even the best of circumstances can make for some tricky and emotional filled situations. While I have no problem writing about my life and sharing with you our escapades that include my step son, I want to be respectful to the other parties involved. I believe the way to grant that respect is to not write about my journey as a step mom. For one, there are always two sides to every story (or in our case my side, my husbands side her side, her husbands side, my step sons side, the list can go on) and in most circumstances they are all told in truth. So here is my attempt at giving credit where credit is due without compromising anyone’s privacy. What makes her remarkable is also how she has blessed my life; her son. I have always found it amazing that he was born in the Summer between her Junior and Senior year of high school. Can you imagine having to take care of an infant and complete your Senior year of high school? Her and my husband both graduated from high school and the details of their journey is theirs and theirs alone to tell. Fast forwards almost 8 years later, and this amazing little boy entered my life. At that time his mom was working full time and going to school full time. This was her life as I knew it for the next several years. A couple years ago she graduated from nursing school and has been working as a full fledged RN. She managed to accomplish these personal goals by raising her son who is now a freshman at ASU majoring in Kinesiology. Isn’t that remarkable? I often find myself complaining when my husband has to work late or go out of town and I am left to do life alone. I am the first to admit that I am truly blessed that boys grow into men and my husband is my partner in life. I could not imagine being a single teenage mother. I would guess that the cards are stacked against you and you have to be pretty determined to succeed. Let’s be remarkable together and congratulate, encourage, and when the opportunity presents itself lend a helping hand to the woman who, for whatever reason or another, is doing life alone.
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We are officially in the full swing of our back to school routine. I am proud to report that for the first whole twelve days of school under our belt the kids have been to school on time with more than a few minutes to spare AND I have yet to forget to pick them up on early release days! I will claim my praise now because I know it is a matter of time before I am screaming, “We’re going to be late!” or “If you run you can beat the late bell!” or better yet getting that call from my daughter asking where am I because they have been out of school for ten minutes. Whatever! For the first twelve days I have rocked as a mom. This year we have entered the world of making and sending lunch to school. Yes, It is healthier. Yes, I can make it for cheaper than the $70 a month we were paying for both kids. However, the absolute best part is sending Love Notes in their school lunch box. I am able to accomplish this because things are more manageable this year. The baby is actually three years old and not really a baby anymore. I am back from my morning run before it is even time to wake the kids. Yes, you read that right. Who knew all I had to do was train for a race to get me out of bed before the sun. My notes are simple and say things like; “Smile It’s Lunch Time” or “Shine Like a Star” or “Woo Hoo It’s Friday.” So far I have used cookie cutters to trace and cut papers, wrote on their sandwich baggy, and even just tore a piece of scrap paper. I even forgot one day but thought the rare appearance of Oreos was my unwritten “I Love You.” My son was quick to point out I forgot his note. Affirmation my little Love Notes are appreciated and the realization that I need to stay consistent. Of course I wouldn’t be me without a plan. My goal is to send a personal Love Note everyday in their lunch box but the reality is I may not have the time everyday or *gasp* I might forget. The solution: pre-made notes. Here is my step by step plan: 1.) Cut out note size pieces of paper using different shapes of paper on a variety of different colored paper. Mix it up how ever you wish. 2.) Write out the notes. (rocket science I know) My kids really love jokes and I think they would be a good idea to send, along with riddles, a Bible verse and the simple every day I Love You. 3.) Put your pre-made notes (and a few blank ones with a pen/marker for the Special Day notes: spelling test, try-outs, birthdays, etc) in a container near where you pack lunch. Okay so my plan is really more like my own personal To Do List that I will get started on just as soon as I get the kitchen cleaned, the laundry done, grocery shopping done and dinner made. In the meantime, a simple “I Love You” on the sandwich bag written in Sharpie will bring that same smile to my kiddos face and is Leaving a Living Legacy in action! Since we I am on the topic, now would be a great time to revisit my post from 6/09 on Letter Writing. Here is the link: http://girlfriendit.com/index.php/life-and-relationships/familyrelationshipsmen/79-relationgeneral/438-a-legacy-of-relationships-letter-writing I would love to hear your input any thoughts, suggestions and comments are welcomed and appreciated!
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She’s six years old and she’s got game. I’m watching with bated breath from across the pool. She’s climbing higher and higher - up she goes calculating each foot placement as if she’s rock climbing Mt. Rainier. The lifeguard watches in amazement - she’s a tiny little thing - weighing all of 42 pounds soaking wet. He asks with a bit of trepidation, “Is she afraid of anything?” I’m shaking my head, “I don’t think so.” She reaches the top, smiles a proud smile and whoosh she lands in the pool. She’s out of the pool lickety split and back in line. She’s doing a happy dance with an invisible hula hoop and singing “Aunt Cindy, did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!” My heart sang for my niece, Cady. I was all smiles. I thought, “Wow! Now that is confidence in it’s purest form.” How could I capture that confidence? There must be a way to protect that in her. Cady’s happy dance was an inspiration. She’s full of life. She knows what she wants and goes forth it undaunted. She’s not afraid of looking silly or patting herself on the back in public. She did a good job and she was happy about it. She didn’t wait around to see what the rest of her world thought about her accomplishment. She just celebrated out in the open for all to see. How beautiful is that? I think we all know when we’ve done a great job. I’d be willing to guess we all know the happy dance...unfortunately somewhere along the road we learned we shouldn’t celebrate out loud in front of everyone. What will people think? We might look conceited or full of our selves. Someone might not agree a celebration is in order. I’m guessing the happy dance we do is not on the dance floor of life - it’s done in the privacy of our heart or within the confines of our walk-in closet...or just maybe we misplaced our confidence or worse yet had it stolen through life experiences and the happy dance is no longer in our repertoire. This saddens me - all “grown up” and afraid to do the happy dance. I dare us to be six again. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to see our “fellow” girlfriends celebrating life and accomplishments out loud with a happy dance for all the world to see? I can envision it. The happy dance becoming happenstance in the market, at the gym, and down the hallway at work. The next time we have an accomplishment, big or small, I dare us to change our “grown up” perspective and have the freedom and the confidence of a six year old to exuberantly do the happy dance and sing out loud, “Did you see me? I did it. I did it! Look at me - I climbed to the top. Woohoo. I’m so great. I did it!” Let’s get the word out - if Cady can do it unabashedly, why can’t we? I hope you dance, Cindy P.S. I missed you all! It was good to be with family and make some fun memories - like the one I just shared. I’m now in the throes of the last semester of my RN program, trying real hard to keep Cady’s perspective.
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This is my blog regarding my experience on the road with my husband leaving Arizona this past March. I have to say I was excited to go with my husband to see the country side, but also nervous about being in close quarters and sleeping in the truck. I didn't know what to expect, but I was ready for this adventure. We made sure we had enough food, and all the other misc stuff you would need when you go away for awhile. My husband did have a microwave in the truck and aTV (no satelite). We made sure we had a babysitter for the kids for the week 1/2 and then at 9:00pm on March 10th we left for our adventure from Mesa, AZ heading to Boston, MA. Leaving Arizona - Earlier in the day on the 10th my husband went to Phoenix and loaded the truck which we were hauling lettuce to MA. My husband decided the best way for us to go was to head toward Payson/Heber to get to Interstate 40. When we left our home the weather was fine, but the minute we started heading up the hill toward the mountains of Payson we started to get some slight rain which turned into snow. Before you knew it was coming down like a blizzard and the roads were getting bad. All I could think about is what is going on with this crazy weather in Arizona, I'm scared and nervous, and don't like the ideal of my hubby driving on a 2 lane highway in this type of dangerous conditions, especially in a 18 wheeler truck hauling lettuce. We saw several cars that were slidiing and getting stuck in the snow. I wanted to help this one car, but my husband said if I stop and help, I will get stuck and could possibly start sliding too, so he had to drive around this van who was stuck in the middle of the highway. Thank goodness the car behind us pulled over to help them. We got halfway between Payson and Heber and then all of a sudden we hit traffic that was completely at a dead stop on the highway. We heard that their was a accident involving a semi truck and the driver was okay. We sat on the highway for 4 1/2 hours until we got the okay to start driving from DPS. Thank goodness my husband had heat in the truck and kept the truck running while we sat on the highway for that long. We decided to go to sleep for awhile since it was late now. We woke up to the noise of the CB saying it's time to get movin. It was around 4:00 am before we started driving again. I woke up and looked around and I couldn't believe all the snow that had fallen. The signs on the road were covered in snow. As we started driving again the snow had finally stopped and we made it to the Navaho Truck Stop in Holbrook, Arizona. Oh my goodness was I so glad to get off that highway and out of the snow. What a first night of being on the road! I was so proud of my husband for doing an amazing job driving a truck in that type of weather! I know that I couldn't of done it. I also learned that a truck driver can only drive for 11 hours a day and then they have to take 10 hours off before driving again. We spent most of the day at this truck stop in Holbrook, but around dinner time we were hitting the road again and I was ready to go.. Yeah! Find out where we went next on my blog.
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What is the hardest part of being a Trucker's Wife? I have to say with the way the economy is these days I have noticed more and more families are being separated due to not finding work in their hometowns, so spouses and loved ones are leaving the state to find work. My husband happenend to be one of those people who had to find work elsewhere and decided to be a Truck Driver for a Company who is based out of Wisconsin. He is a Regional Driver who drives 11 states on the west coast side. Most drivers who drive only Regional are out between 7 to 14 days and then come home for only a couple of days and then back out on the road again. Adjusting to this type of lifestyle for my family was really hard. I have to say at first, I had mixed emotions about the whole trucking thing. I was happy he found a job, but I didn't like the fact that he would be gone for sometime. I was use to my husband coming home from work and being there for dinner and just having that adult conversation. Now, I feel like the pressure has defintely been dumped on my shoulders to take the responsibities of Mom and Dad role. Just taking care of the kids and their activites, the house, the yard, the car, and the financial part of it was alot on me. I wasn't really sure if I could handle all of this pressure, but with God's grace and amazing friends I have conquered things that I didn't think I could do. Over the last couple of months I have to say that we are very thankful he is working and gets a paycheck weekly! The kids and I have adjusted to seeing him about every two weeks or so. Our children did have the opportunity to go with their dad one at a time over the summer, and experience the life of a truck driver. It was a great bonding time for each of the kids with their dad. I know that there are tons of stories just like mine that people are facing on a daily basis. All I have to say is keep the faith and know that you can accomplish anything you put your mind too.. God Bless! My next blog will be about my experience on the road with my husband, so keep an eye out for that one. Thanks for reading it!
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Several months ago I had this idea pressed upon my heart to write about the remarkable women who have blessed my life, even in the simplest way. I have procrastinated doing so because the idea of my own mother not even making the list brings me great sadness. It causes me to grieve the relationship we have never had and instills conflicting hopes for the future. Through a long journey of forgiveness, I am at peace with our relationship. Even so, I have momentary relapses and have to regain my strength and grace to move on. The first remarkable woman I am honored to write about is my aunt, Irene Palomo. She unselfishly committed her life to helping my dad raise us. She gave her time, money, and her unconditional love. She took us to museums, the theater, the mall, out to eat, fancy hair salons, movie theaters (I grew up in South Phoenix so these things did not exist in my community) and the most significant of all, church. We attended church from the very first Sunday we moved in with my dad (who at the time was living with my aunt-his sister and my grandfather-his dad) and every Sunday after. I have to confess that our relationship was not easy. I was rebellious and would often remind her that she was not my mother and I was a mini replica of my mother, which caused great tension between us. Throughout the years and a few times of her going to bat on my side of the coin with my dad our relationship started to soften. After all when I had the choice of telling her or my dad that I started my period, I chose her! In the eighth grade I was asked to apply for the Hispanic Mother Daughter Program. It was an ASU based program and I was determined to get any academic advantage available so instead of letting the fact that I didn’t have a mom derail me, I asked my aunt and she obliged. We were accepted into the program and met on a weekly basis. Each week was filled with self-esteem, leadership, mother/daughter bonding, academic, etc type classes. It was torture for me to see all of the mother/daughter relationships because I wished very much for my mom to return to our life. I kept a brave exterior and focused on the college prep aspects of the program. It was through this program that I learned so much about my aunt and her life and our relationship started to really blossom. During one of the sessions she stood up and thanked my for asking her to be a part of this. I had saw it as a step forward academically, but she was truly touched and proud that I chose her. As life would have it, our emerging relationship also marked the decline of her health. I remember her having to have a hysterectomy. At the time I did not know why or what the big deal was. She was in her late 30’s and was never married and never had kids but she had always held out hope that her time was just around the corner. She had dedicated her life to help raise us and put her life on hold. I remember her struggling with this decision and using me to convince herself it was okay. I became her new confidant. The hysterectomy was followed by several other surgeries, but the cause or reason was not yet revealed to us. I would go with her and sit at her bedside and read magazines. As the oldest of five kids it was a relief to get out of the house but she always thanked me so kindly for being there. Finally, the explanation of all the hospital visits was revealed to us. All five of us kids were gathered in her bedroom to pray as a family, as we did every Sunday night, and she explained that she had Pancreatic Cancer and will begin radiation and chemo therapy that week. I remember her saying that she was ready to fight this disease but if it was God’s will for her to die she was ready. These words cause an uproar. My baby brother screamed as if she died right then and there. The rest of the kids were dumbfounded and didn’t really know what to do. Our mom had already abandoned us and now my aunt was saying she could possibly be leaving too. It was my first glimpse into the notion of God’s will and it wasn’t until recently on my own personally journey in discovering Christ that I was able to appreciate her faith and hope in God. She battled Pancreatic Cancer for the next two years. She went on medical leave from work, lost all of hair and was sick a majority of the time. She was the kind of woman who had an outfit for every occasion with shoes, purse and accessories to match. Loosing her hair was the most difficult thing for her to deal with. She eventually just shaved it off and bought a wig. I watched her pray and the I watched the women of our church gather and pray over her on a regular basis. When the time came for her to go back into the hospital, I stayed up and begged God to take me instead. It was very difficult to loose someone who shared so much of her love and even more difficult to watch my siblings experience such sorrow. On December 23 1991 God’s will was fulfilled. It was a couple of weeks before I turned 16. In retrospect, I realize she was the first person to take a vested interest in me. She was the first person who believed I could be anything I set my mind to. What I failed to realize while she was alive was that she was also one of the few people to understanding the misery of my life without a mom. She was 16 years old when her own mom lost a long battle with Tuberculosis and was raised by her dad and her brother. I spent all those years in that house convinced no one knew how I felt. She never once said the words, “I know how you feel.” Instead she used her actions to let me know I was not alone, even if it took several years after her death to realize it. The very last Easter we spent with her was very hot. We were at her mom’s families house and they made her feel so comfortable and loved on her to the point she was able to take her wig off and be free. She never wore it again and embraced her new found beauty in short hair. More importantly her loud, boisterous, contagious laugh was back. It has been 18 ½ years since her death and I miss her more and more with each passing year. She is remarkable not only by earthly standards but she was the living example of Christ love.
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We had a blast today talking with Dr. John Trent, who is a respected author and speaker and he is particularly recognized for the personality test he created based on the four animals - lion, otter, golden retriever, and beaver - found in the book, The Two Sides Of Love, that he cowrote with relationship exper Gary Smalley. Patty and I love learning and helping others understand how we are each uniquely wired! What temperament are you? We double dare you to take a simple test that we created for our girlfriends using "coffee" talk. Click on the Personality Test to the right of our site and have fun learning about yourself. We'd love you to share your revelations with us? FYI - Patty is a Mocha/Expresso (Otter/Lion) and Lisa is a Mocha/Chai (Otter/Golden Retriever). We have a lot of fun with our temperaments. I think we'll go grab some java! Lisa and Patty
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 Since we've discussed some weighty topics lately, I thought it was time for some fun. I'm off to visit with family for the next 3 weeks. I'm so excited to have some play time with my nieces and nephews. Woohoo! When was the last time you went skipping with your girlfriends? It might be a bit silly but I'd be willing to bet it will get your endorphins doing backflips. Have you ever taken the time to turn "work" into fun? Please take a moment and watch the video below. It's a simple concept called the fun theory. The video highlights an elaborate project but I believe the idea is something simple we could use in our daily lives. I'm guessing the next time I have a difficult task to accomplish, I could use the fun theory. Would you be willing to sprinkle your daily tasks with some fun? If you need some help with ideas of the "how-to" of making work fun, just ask a 7-year old how they would do it. I know from my vast experience working with children and youth - they are experts on making "work" fun. Here's some questions for you to contemplate: Is fun a priority in your life? How much fun have you had in the last week? Are you due for some fun? How can you incorporate some fun into your work day? I'm off to have some fun ~ See you in a couple of weeks. =) Cindy
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 This summer there’s been a “war” raging within my mind and soul. It’s taken up quite a bit of space on my mental hard drive. I don’t have the time right now to share all of the details (remember brevity is the goal today) but I will in due time. I won some significant battles in this war last week. I want to tell you about the battle of the “D” words vs. the “R” words. At the beginning of last week, the “D” words had taken up camp within my soul. It started with doubt, then found its way to disappointment which led to discouragement, and finally capped itself off with defeat and despair late Monday night. Luckily, the mind trip stopped before destruction came. What led me down those D roads was the noise and clamor of the “enemy” (see footnote) ~ shouting lies at every bump in the road. The clamor was ear-piercing and overpowering. Even though I’ve gotten pretty skilled at recognizing the lies and denouncing them during this battle the lies raged on. With each twist and turn in this maze of D words, the tears welled up. I went to sleep with a heavy heart and a little bit mad at myself for not being able to rise above those silly little lies. I’m here to tell you those silly little lies seemed like huge, scary monsters that wanted to devour all that I had to give. Oh the power of those D words - give them an inch and they take a mile. Well, here’s where the battle was won. Early Tuesday morning, I intentionally sat down and invited stillness. I retreated to my safe place where truth abides. I got cozy and stayed a while. I let the truth sink into my being...and guess what sprang up? A wellspring of refreshing water that poured over me reviving me and bringing rejuvenation. The cool waters are still flowing a week later - ahhh, the revitalization. What I learned from this battle: D words are real and they do have power. D words will take up residence if I let them. I don’t like D words ~ doubt, discouragement, destruction, devour, defeat, disappointment, destroy, and despair. If I don’t fight back, D words will threaten to take control. Girlfriends can help dethrone D words. Being still in your safe place can bring the battle with the D words to an end. Real truth denounces the D words. R words are good for the soul. I love R words ~ retreat, refresh, rejuvenate, revive, refuel, and revitalize. I want R words to reside within me. R words don’t come easily but when we intentionally allow truth to reside within the confines of our mind, body and soul ~ R words will move in, too. R words are worth fighting for. Today’s contemplation is a bit lofty and metaphorical but I hope it resonates. I’ve got some questions for you: Where do you find your truth? Where is your safe place? Do you take to be still? R words Rule, Cindy Footnote = The “enemy” within this context is any thought that is against us and the good we are moving towards.
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On the radio this week we talked about moving beyond brokenness - the place where obstacles, challenges, doubt, discouragement and loss happen. We've all been there - maybe still are! It's a place that haunts and distracts us from pursing our dreams and passions. It's a place that can sidetrack us and it's inevitable. While traveling this summer I toured the home of Abraham Lincoln and experienced the Lincoln Museum. Now, as far as museums are concerned this one exceeds expectations and sets the standard. It vividly and innovatively reminded me that nothing remarkable happens in life without sacrifice, setbacks, criticism and heartache. (Am I depressing you yet?) Lincoln's accomplishments and legacy are off the charts but his day to day life was less than utopia. Brokenness happens. Moving beyond it towards remarkable is a choice and an action. that starts with a small step. Lisa
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Are you out of practice? Do you even know how? It's a tiny two-letter word. When was the last time you said no and meant it? It was probably the first word you used - and used often - after you learned ma-ma and da-da. Do you know any two-year-olds? Having observed many, I have no doubt that "NO" is their favorite word. Why do some of us have such a hard time saying it now? Two-year-olds make it clear as day what they want and what they don't want by using their new found word, "NO". I'm thinking it's because they haven't been introduced to the word "SHOULD" yet - a word that gets some of us in trouble, hmm? I had my first cognizant lesson with the word "No" when I was in college. I won't go into details to protect the "innocent" but someone I loved said, "No" to a simple request I had made of them. A huge fight ensued (in retrospect the biggest spectacle, I mean fight of my life, and yet it was over something seemingly ridiculously simple). Let's just say I was not at my "prettiest" that evening. Oh my! It ended up being a pivotal moment in my life's learning because the next day I visited our women's counseling center on campus and spoke with one of my mentors. I recounted the tale of the previous night's events. She asked me this question, "What did that NO say to you?" My answer was a bit slow in coming but very profound, "It meant he didn't love me." She put it in crystal clear perspective for me. The simple no to my simple request = I was not loved. Wow. That was so NOT true but that's what I had internalized somewhere along the way (I know where). When someone said NO to me, it meant that they didn't love me. If you ask me today, that's a bit messed up. Yes and No help us set our boundaries. They help define what is and what is not me. Yes and No help us let others know what we want and need. They have the power to protect us. They aid us in keeping the good in and the bad out. That is if we know how to use them and we are not in the presence of boundary violators. (I will address boundary violators at a later date). Some of us were gifted with parents and teachers along the way that set and modeled healthy boundaries for us. Some of us weren't so lucky. Some of us learned well, others didn't - due to our unique environments and circumstances. I'm writing today - not to pass out judgment or to say I've become the expert - I am not. I'm on my life-long journey of learning the power of personal boundaries. What I have learned is that boundaries are so important that I wish each of us were required to take a course on healthy boundaries in high school. Boundaries, healthy or not, really are a part of the fabric of our society. I believe strongly that emotions and boundaries are gifts given to us by our Creator to help us navigate life, an internal radar system of sorts. I whole-heartedly have a passion to help women, who want and need the help, learn to say NO to the unwanted and the unneeded in their lives (the not so best stuff) and say YES to the best (what is vitally important to our values, desires and needs). Before diving any further into the content of this contemplation, I must write this disclaimer first. I've done some research, personally learned the hard way, and presented a number of workshops on the subject of healthy boundaries. I wanted to read through my files first, but decided it was best to write from the heart today. Emotional boundaries deal with stuff that is unseen. It's not easy to write about healthy boundaries without wanting to write another hundred different caveats to each interaction. Please be patient with the process of reading this. Please be wise. Boundaries are not black and white. Healthy boundaries look different for each and every one of us and we have different healthy boundaries for each person we know. Suffice it to say, it's a "sticky" subject. It's a subject that goes to the depths of our core and, for a few of us reading this, it might bring up some uncomfortable (if not unsafe) places within us. If this is the case for you, please call or email me and I will confidentially help you find the resources and referrals you need. My hope today is to touch the surface and provide some clarity to the question of Yes and No. I'm going to say something really important right now. It's the gem within this contemplation. Please pay attention. "Yes and No are neither 'good or bad' words." Did you take that in? Sit with that. Take time to ponder it. They are definitive words. They are oh so helpful in letting us communicate with others what are real needs and wants are. If we misuse these words, we send out mixed messages. Have you ever said yes to something you really didn't want to do or didn't have the energy to do? The message you sent was "I'd love to do that for you. I'm ready to do that. I have the time, resources, and energy to do that." Yet, when we say yes to something we have no real business saying yes to - I'm guessing we don't show up with our yes face on (unless we've become skilled at hiding our true feelings). We show up with our NO posture or persona and make others feel a bit confused. It's not really fair, is it? I bet you've been on the receiving side of a yes that was really a no - it's no fun. Sometimes it's actually worse than if they had "JUST SAID NO." I've got bunches o' stories about healthy boundaries and the lack there of - but I'll stop here and get to some action because what's important is to hold up the mirror and look at our own examples - I know you have stories to tell. So, how do we become skilled at knowing when it's BEST to say Yes and when it's BEST to say No. I have some simple tips that have helped me along the way. 1) Before you say Yes to anything - I mean ANYTHING, say "Let me think about it and get back to you." Give the person who made the request the time and date you will get back to them with an answer. I know this might seem a little overboard, but I'm telling you it works. We run into problems when we say Yes to every good thing that is requested of us. Contrary to our gender bias, we can't be wonder woman to everyone. If the person making the request says they need your answer now, say I can't give you a Yes right now. I'll back you up on this. If they persist (because some will), say "No" and call a trusted friend that can help you process through that kind of "bullying". I know I'm using strong words here, but as we learn to take good care of ourselves, we must employ some mama bear tactics. 2) Once you've said I'll get back to you...these are the questions (3-9) you can ask yourself when you have some quiet "me" time (while driving, while in the shower, before you get out of bed in the morning, over a "me" coffee break or by taking a 10 minute walk - a "taking care of me walk" for when the requests pile up). 3) What have I already committed to (Where have I already said Yes)? 4) Do I honestly have the emotional energy, resources and time to say Yes? 5) What will I have to say No to, if I say Yes to this? 6) Does saying Yes or No align with my values, my heart, what's important to me, what I want and/or what I need? 7) Does saying Yes or No move me forward toward my goals? 8) What will be the implications/ramifications of saying Yes or No? 9) What's best for my big picture - saying Yes or saying No? 10) After contemplating these questions and knowing what's best for you - go back to the person who made the request and give them your heart-felt Yes or No. What to do when saying No is hard? 1) Call a trusted friend and ask them to hold you accountable to your answer. 2) Practice saying No with a coach or trusted friend first. 3) Practice saying No in the mirror (let your true feelings come to the surface - What are you feeling? What do you need to heed? What do you need to let go of? 4) Remember you've already gone through the steps and discovered what's best for you and for the person that made the request of you. 5) If saying No is too hard and you can't do it on your own - please don't beat yourself up over it - please email me or call me and we can discuss it. Do you want what's best? Which of these steps will be helpful to you? Let's take our cues from the two-year-olds and season it with the maturity of knowing what's really best for us. Thank you for going here with me today. It's not always easy to make some needed changes, but girlfriend I'm here to tell you it's always worth it. On the journey, Cindy One resource book that has been invaluable to me that’s written with such clarity: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
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 The truth will set us free! The lies that hold us back from becoming who we were made to be. The lies that keep us from doing the great things we were created to do. The lies that bind us to our past - These lies are our captivity! As we approach Independence Day, I've been doing some contemplating on my freedom and yours. We are on our road to freedom. Did you know that our road to liberty has some boulders in the way? You guessed it - those darn lies can be huge blocks that hinder us from moving forward. I'm compiling a list of some of the lies that line the road (if you have any others to add to the list, please email me - This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ) : "I HAVE TO BE PERFECT." This lie is classic because if you asked us, "Are you perfect?" Our spontaneous reply would be, "No, of course not." But for those of us who are bound by this lie, we get caught up in it's snare all the time. Have you ever come away from an event and focused on the one thing that went wrong instead of celebrating all that went right? "i'm not enough." I know I don't even have to explain this one. "I'M TOO MUCH!!!" This used to be my favorite. It was my motto or so I was told...You talk too much! You love too much! You feel too much! You laugh too loud! Do you see the pattern? I'm so grateful that I became aware of this lie's hold on my life a while back...With intention, practice and the help of trusted, wise counsel I've moved this boulder off my road to freedom. " " What you couldn't read that lie? Want a hint? I used invisible ink. This lie's mode of operation is: "I don't matter". You guessed it. That's right "I'm invisible." is just another one of those lies that holds us captive. If we are going to experience freedom we have some work to do. It's time to start hauling these boulders off the road. The first step is just becoming aware of the lies. Notice when they pop up. Whenever you have a feeling of insecurity, and/or a desire to "hit yourself over the head with a rock" - recognize it. Call it out! Bring the lie out into the open. Let it know there's going to be a day of reckoning - A day when we say so long to our captors and say hello to our freedom. I dare you to get the sparklers out this weekend and declare your freedom! Wherever you are on the journey - celebrate that you are on your Villa della Liberta (this is an actual street name in Santa Margarita, Italia)! Thank you for inviting me into your life. It's an honor to walk alongside of you as we journey down the road of freedom. I'm grateful to you for affording me these freedoms along the way: a freedom to be myself a freedom to make mistakes a freedom to love well a freedom to have fun while "working" a freedom to live out the call on my life a freedom to share in the power of girlfriends Letting Freedom Ring! Cindy
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Do you have a girlfriend that you can trust with all your heart? I hope so. Mine is definitely a treasure!
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Everywhere I go, there you are staring me in the face. Literally, you’ve been the topic lately. They’re all talking about you. Why are you so elusive? No matter how old we are or how educated we’ve become, we still can’t figure you out. We’ve been given the tools and resources to find you, yet we can’t grasp a hold of you. I’ve been trained to teach others about you - I know what’s important and my resume states that I might actually be an expert on wellness (physical, emotional and spiritual). Yet, when it comes to you I’m no different than any woman I know. My girlfriend, Monica, said it this way last night, “It must be a gender thing.” Do you know who I’m talking about? We all know her. We catch glimpses of her. We get her. We know her worth. We all want to be her close friend, yet we don’t know how. Her name is self-care. Girlfriends, we are caregivers by nature and yet the one person in our life that doesn’t get the care she needs is our self. What’s up with that? I’ve got some questions for you: Have you denounced the wonder woman within you? Do you get the sleep you need? Do you have all the downtime you crave? Do you take real vacations? I’m not talking about the ones where you go visit family - I’m talking about the real ones where you sit on the beach and read a good book until you’ve soaked up enough sun so you go lay in the hammock and take a nap. The kind where you don’t have to worry about laundry, meals, or time commitments. Did you answer YES to all of those questions? If you did, I’m willing to bet you are in the minority and you need to clue us into the how of it. If you’re like me and the girlfriends I know - the wonder woman within us is alive and well or at least she’s giving it her best shot. My girlfriend, Amanda, asked me this question recently, “How can we keep the treadmill of life at a steady enough pace to keep us productive but not at the insane “10” incline and “10” pace we have it set?” Good question, Amanda. Way back when, I learned an important life principle when I was waitressing at age 20 - “If you don’t know the answer, tell them you’ll go find out and get back to them.” This principle has served me well over the years. It works. So with that said, “Amanda, I’m on it. I don’t know the answer to that question but I’ll get back to you.” I’ve started with asking my life coach, Lisa. We came up with 4 things I need to keep my pace sane this summer: No rushing - this means don’t over-schedule. Make sure I have needed “down time”. If I got home late last night, make sure I have ample “morning time”. If I’m on the road traveling heaps, make sure to schedule “home time”. So far, it’s working out pretty good. I’m feeling fairly sane. I haven’t been perfect on the over scheduling, but I’m working on it. We just spent the week in Phoenix for family and business, so I’m making sure we stay home this week and next. Although I’m here to tell you my bent is to get back on the road and go to the coast with Brad for his birthday on Monday. It’s a good thing, I’ve enlisted Brad to help me with my self-care - he graciously said, “NO!” I’m working on 2 girlfriend retreats for later this summer (a coastal weekend away complete with massages) that will address how to really take care of ourselves. If this is a topic that hits home with you, please join us. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for the details. If you can’t make Less Drama’s Summer Escape 2010, you could start by reading Cheryl Richardson’s, “The Art of Extreme Self Care.” I believe Cheryl’s the real expert on this topic. Will you join me in learning the art and practice of self-care? Cheryl says this as an enticement, “The practice of Extreme Self-Care forces us to make choices and decisions that honor and reflect the true nature of our soul. While the notion of this might seem selfish or self-centered, doing so actually allows us to make our greatest contribution to the world...We naturally begin to care for others - our families, our friends and the world - in a healthier and more effective way.” Learning and Practicing, Cindy
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It didn't take us long on this earth to figure out that summer = freedom. We learned the anthem early on and can sing out loud in unison "schools out for summer". Sing with me, "schools out for summer." I see a couple of you adding your air guitars. Admit it =)
I have such fond memories - YMCA day camp, hiking in the white mountains and swimming in the lakes of New Hampshire (yes, I've swam in Golden Pond and hung out with "What about Bob?" on Lake Winnipesaukee), eating buckets and buckets of fresh peaches, gardening with my granddad and my dad wishing his kids would help him with his wally-world sized garden (that makes me giggle - it was ginormous), eating zucchini pancakes, zucchini bread and various other zucchini-laden foods because we had them coming out of our ears, teaching sailing lessons, camping along the Saco river, playing Skee-ball and Centipede at Weir's Beach, shopping for back-to-school clothes at Bon-Tons, eating Friendly's ice cream (a scoop of butter crunch with chocolate jimmies in a cup) and playing Marco Polo.
If you're like me that first year out of school when work didn't break for summer, a mild depression set in. What - no summer? No freedom from getting up early? Does anyone remember the 90's movie, "Reality Bites"? I think that says it all (although I'm feeling a bit old because I can't even remember one scene from it - yikes). Hopefully, you get my point.
Well school's out for summer and my plate seems fuller than ever. But one thing I've learned over the years is to adopt a care-free spirit for summer. It really does help. I cut down on my commitments - "don't you know school's out?". We eat light meals and play outside as the heat permits. We venture to new places and I journal. I've always journaled but never every day. So every couple of summers I choose to keep a summer journal and I write in it every day - don't worry they aren't long entries...I love to capture the moments when freedom arrives. Looking back over those summer journals and remembering what I learned even though school was technically out brings me joy.
Here's an excerpt from my "summer school" lessons last year:
Family is oh-so important to me. I don't like living so far away from family. When you're 93 years old, you've got some really interesting stories to tell and you can tell them any way you LIKE. I love my granddad. I love telling stories. Moms know interesting little details about their daughters (thanks Denise). 5 year olds are brave and undaunted and love making new friends (Cady, thank you for inspiring Aunt Cindy). "Ugly sisters" REALLY do stick together. Just BEING with girlfriends is life-giving. Best laid plans don't always work - but gratefulness always does. When you step on the brake and the hand control steps on the gas - the result is terrifying. Too many diets (money, food, friends) at one time can be draining (thanks Susan). Worrying about receiving God's provision takes away from the blessing of receiving it. Moms REALLY do love their daughters and they spend their whole being trying to prove that. Going to the lake is refreshing on all counts. 75 degrees is perfect. Concentrating on the good stuff and letting go of the bad stuff helps tremendously. Working hard produces results, sometimes you have to be patient and wait for them, though. When standing on new ground, remember your foundations. Resting in the truth is REALLY resting (the converse is true). The unexpected sometimes brings fun, unexpected surprises. Brad's family has become my family. Laughing with Brad really connects us. Cindy loves being at home.
I dare you to join me this summer. Will you adopt your own care-free spirit? Will you let go of your worries, throw on the flip-flops and set aside all that hinders you? Please leave your burdens at the back door of that metaphorical summer beach cottage. There's a basket there - they'll be well taken care of. Step out into the sand. Wiggle your toes. Be transformed. Find some kids and play Marco Polo (don't play with my niece, Victoria - she opens her eyes under water). Make a new play-list filled with songs about summer and take a road-trip with a pal. Turn the TV off, set the fans and the bug lights out on the porch and read a good chic-lit book or flip through the pages of your favorite magazines by lantern light. Invite friends over for homemade popsicles or splurge and go out for ice cream. Take a blanket out on the lawn and stargaze. You're never too old for a good game of hide and seek or sardines. CHOOSE to live free and don't forget to capture those moments - in pics, a journal or your fb status updates.
Choosing to be free, Cindy
Powerful Questions to Ponder: Describe freedom. What's one step you could take towards freedom in the next week? Define play. Wanna come out and play? Can you/Will you choose a care-free spirit this season?
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We all need a little dose of inspiration every once in a while. Here's to filling your plate with a heaping spoonful of it! I know some of you have already seen Nick in action but if you're like me he always warms your heart. Please click on the youtube link and be inspired:
Happy Sunday, Cindy
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It astonishes me sometimes just how much I’ve been able to handle. It seems as though once I’ve surpassed one obstacle, another impedes my path and I’m unable to stop it. I fall short. Or I just fall to pieces altogether. Either way, I fall. Time and time again I snuggle up in this blanket of security, fooled into this idea that I’m shielded from everything- broken promises, misconceived notions, and the connotations of words that didn’t really protrude as strongly as once thought. I think what it is is I know myself. I know what a high standard I hold myself to- to be the best all around person I know I can be. And when I fail at that, I beat myself up over it. I hold the rest of the world to these same, unattainable standards, and they fail because they aren’t as motivated as I am or see the world in the way I do. Perhaps I’m more demanding than I should be. Perhaps I’m asking too much. But when the simplest things in life make me happy- a smile, an i-understand-exactly-what-you’re-thinking glance, an old inside joke, a happy memory, or just seeing others happy- you’d think I’m not asking for a lot at all. Just for a little respect in return for all that I give. We do not realize the weight our words carry. The term love…or best friends…or a “let’s hang out!” are all weighed down with the heavy stones the meaning of the words denotes. But if there is no action behind those words, then they are literally dust. They mean absolutely nothing. But should be treated as such? If so, then is anything we say really meaningful? Can we say the words “I love you” and mean them, solely just by speaking? Or do we have to show our love? Because when I look around, we are all just empty, loaded words. And that to me seems like an anomaly, hypocrisy, and a paradox all in one.
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This came from a neighbor of mine and actually happened. Be aware girlfriends and hold on to your purses! - Patty "To all, THIS IS NOT A JOKE, NOR A CHAIN e-MAIL! I am sending this to you to let you know what happened to me yesterday. I want you to be aware and
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This one is a bit long. You might want to pour yourself a cup of tea, a tall glass of lemonade or a glass of wine, first. Then, sit back in your big comfy chair and contemplate. I have quite the gem to share with you today. I sure do hope it translates. It's called the "Hey Everyone" button. I think we'll be able to sell millions once the concept takes hold. If there's anyone out there that has some extra time (lol) and is super creative and/or tech savvy and can help me create a viral youtube for this button - let's chat. Okay, you're intrigued. I hope I didn't build this one up too much already. I have a habit of getting really excited about things but then again you already knew that. I really hope I can capture the moment and convey this message well. Maybe I already need to use my "Hey Everyone" button? Here's the back-story: Yesterday I was traveling to my Less Drama Queens of Bakersfield coaching group. It's a good drive and I was chatting on the phone with a dear friend, one of those friendships where we totally get each other and are able to be completely honest. For those of you inclined, please don't even try and guess which friend it was because I promised her I would change the names and dates and any identifying information, so as to protect her innocence. We were chatting about said "boy at work" and she was sharing her thoughts and process. Right smack dab in the middle, I called her on some of her thinking. It was here that the genius of the "personal announcement" was born. Please note at this point in my contemplation - that this forthcoming story is not really about the boy or whether or not to date him - the story is an illustration on how to use the "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button. My friend has just started a new job and has this "boy at work" who she thinks is fun and engages her in witty banter. She loves that - she was made for it. There IS a connection. A couple of weeks ago, she went to happy hour with the girls from work. She casually brought up his name to see what "the word on the street is." They couldn't get it out fast enough - they had some interesting details to share - suffice it all to say, they think he's weird. All of this was particularly horrifying to my friend. I encouraged her, "That's data to be filed away but you are the one that gets to decide what you think about him." After all, these ladies aren't life long buddies, she just met them. Here's an excerpt from her journal she has so graciously permitted me to share with you: So there I was, with this conundrum sitting like gooey marshmallow melted balls right in my hands. I am emailing with this guy who is asking me to join him for activities and coffee and the like, and I can tell no one about it for fear of what they'll think of me. And worse, that the rumors are true and my red flag goer-offers have been maimed and taped to my head when they should be standing straight up, detecting danger and weirdness in potential love-mates. I went to coffee with him anyway. Twice in one week as a matter of fact - one time, for an hour. We took a long walk and talked about his robot costume out in the sunshine right in the middle of the work day and we saw a black cat that looked like a tiny panther :) We got back and his team (we're all in departments that are segregated by cubicle bull-pens within walls closed in by doors - which enhance the lack of sharing information about who might be weird and who might be not) were sitting outside and all heads were pointed at us as we walked back from my car to the building. And then later, I swear I saw my coworker give him the stink eye and for the rest of the afternoon attributed her less-than-enthusiastic look with the fact that she couldn't believe I was associating with him. I wondered, about her stink eye, "What does THAT mean?" So I have been locked in a paranoia jail cell in which I think everyone is aware of my emailing and hanging out with this boy and they ALL know something I don't know and they ALL disapprove but are just waiting for me to find out on my own because there is a code of silence here where we work. I also suffer from a mild case of "I think the world revolves around me" in which I believe everyone is thinking about me all the time and all of their facial expressions and moods are directly related to me. Also, I have a horrendous and crippling fear that I never - no matter what it is - have the right outfit for the given occasion. And also that my hair will look bad. And all of these things together are why I am single...terminally. So my friend Cindy thought maybe I should make an announcement. There is an intercom system throughout our building to let you know when your clients have arrived. Maybe they'd let me use it just for a minute to clear the air and make sure we're all on the same page. But then we got to thinking it would even be better if I had my OWN intercom at my desk, so that I could use it any time I needed to make an announcement for the greater good. No wait, I could make an announcement to everyone, so they don't have to be in a bad mood just because they think maybe I'm making bad decisions about a boy I'm just trying to get to know but haven't made any commitments to, yet. It might go something like this, 'Hey Everyone: so I know you've been kinda worried about me. You didn't have to say anything; I saw it in your eyes. I'm just trying to get to know him, you know, for myself. Because I kind of have a history of letting other people make decisions for me and so this is important for me to make my own decision. So please don't worry because I'm just trying to figure it out. I am working on it. I really appreciate your concern and just wanted to let you know I can see what you're thinking and will be very careful to make good decisions and come out with a greater sense of self-efficacy. So back to work. No need to spend your whole day thinking about me and being worried that I might end up in a ditch somewhere, you know, metaphorically speaking. I know you're all wondering how someone as great as me could still be single and I really am so grateful for your concern. So that's all for now. I might announce something again later, you know, like if I suspect you might be worried that my pants are getting too tight and think I might be emotionally eating again...' And then, saying this ridiculousness out loud, it really sunk in - NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT ME. THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN BRIMMING LIVES. I will have to say this to myself again and again and probably will have to just threaten to make a Personal Announcement when I believe the off-look in everyone's eye is directly related to me to remind myself that in fact, no, they've got their own lives to be having looks and thoughts over, and my day and existence is not at the center of everyone else's consciousness as I - in my poignant and terrified insecurity - believe it to be. I am free to live my life and explore and take risks and get to know boys and do whatever the heck else that's on my heart to do. So THANK YOU, CINDY! For encouraging the Personal Announcement button. I can already tell that intercom at my desk is going to get a lot of use." That's the illustration of how a "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button might be used. Do you get it? Do you have a couple of personal announcements that you could air in an attempt to keep perspective and keep your insecurities at bay? I know I do. For you concrete thinkers, please remember that this button really is metaphorical at this point - something that you get to push metaphorically speaking - and it "shares the message you're thinking" allowing you to move past the insecurity and letting you live your life in the moment. I could have used a button this weekend. I even hesitate to share with all ya'lls but ya'll tell me you love when I share from the heart (i.e. get vulnerable). So, here it goes, my button illustration: This weekend I went to this fun, intimate workout session with some girls I know well and some girls I just met (it was a bachelorette crazy fun thing ~ believe-you-me a story for another day). Some of the girls were 15 years younger than me and none had yet reached their decade of freedom (40's). We were supposed to wear yoga attire. I forgot mine, so I wore my pajama bottoms from the earlier pajama party shower - did I say it was a crazy fun day? I worked really hard at not letting my insecurities consume me. I did a pretty good job at letting them go and enjoying the moment for what it was - a fun, bachelorette moment celebrating my friend. If only my "Hey, I need to make a personal announcement" button had been created it might have made it easier to let go. This would have been my personal announcement: "Hey girls, I have a personal announcement to make. I'm so glad to be here with you celebrating our friend. I know you're wondering why I showed up in these bright colored pajamas - I know they are NOT yoga pants. I also am well aware that I'm carrying these extra few pounds but I'm working on it. I'm trying to get rid of them. I AM 44. When I was your age, I was at my healthy weight, too. I don't look as cute as you all do in your yoga pants - but I'm here to celebrate. I'm here to have fun. I know you'll like me (some of you already love me) and by the time I turn 45, I'll be much closer to that healthy weight for me. I know I'm becoming an RN and you're thinking RNs really should be healthy - I really am committed to being healthy - eating right and exercising - you should see my workout with the 50+ crowd at my gym in my po-dunk town that is not SF (it's a swim class that incorporates yoga, pilates and cardiac - it kicks my butt). I'm doing my best and I hope you can forgive my clumsiness (I used to be a cheerleader way back when). I hope now that I've cleared the air and you don't have to worry any longer about me being an unhealthy nurse who wears silly pajamas to a dance workout (I can follow directions, too) we can get on to the matter at hand. Thank you." Okay, there you have it - illustration # 2. Now, for those of you reading this that were at that event, please do not email me and say "Cindy, we love you...we weren't thinking blah, blah, blah." I know. I know. Ms. Insecurity can raise some doozies. I didn't share this moment to be encouraged by my friends. I wasn't even that consumed by my insecurities - but that unwanted friend did show up and since I'm doing the research and writing on the topic and asking each of us to say goodbye to her - I was ultra-aware of her presence (like I'm not usually - hehehe). I told this story to illustrate once again how ridiculous this thinking is that goes on in our heads. At the workout, I really was wise enough to know that every cute girl in her yoga pants was dealing with her own friend, Ms. Insecurity and was too caught up to be thinking about me and my "friend" that I had told to leave. As a fun accountability, my friend with whom I co-created the button, have decided to text each other every time we need to push the "Hey Everyone, I have personal announcement to make" button. We are hoping this will help us say goodbye to our friend, Ms. Insecurity for good. Please email or text me when you push your "Hey Everyone, I have a personal announcement to make" button. Using my button and keeping perspective, Cindy
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Oh that's right - no need for descriptions here. I'm guessing you are already well acquainted with her. Some of us know her better than others, but shall I be bold enough to say, "She's probably one of our oldest friends." She's not my constant companion any more but I must admit she shows up more often than I'd like. How close is she to you? What does she mean to you? Is she invited into your inner circle or is she only invited to the big events in your life? Let's be honest with each other, "What kind of friend has she been to you all these years?"
I don't need to tell you she's been a bad friend. Some might even tag her "abusive". I went to a women's conference two weeks ago. The "hot" topic was insecurity. Guess how many women attended the "live via satellite" event? 300,000. That's right - that many girlfriends were at least secure enough to gather and discuss their insecurities. Yay for us! It's about time we brought Insecurity's ugly self out into the open. Beth Moore was the conference speaker and is the author of the new book, "So Long Insecurity: You've been a Bad Friend to Us." I'm reading it right now (research, of course :-)). She started off the discussion with this question, "When was the last time you met up with Insecurity?" It was a "she had me at hello" moment. I literally just encountered her. I had just surveyed the auditorium looking over all the women within my view. My friend, Insecurity, needed to see if I was dressed JUST RIGHT. Then, I thought back to the evening before the conference and I had had a moment with Brad where I was questioning my security. Wow. Yikes and I consider myself to be a fairly secure, self-confident woman. If I had had two run-ins with Insecurity (that I was aware of) in less than 12 hours, this insecurity thing must be rampant, especially amongst women.
The next point Beth brought that resonated and the reason why I'm writing today was this, "NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM INSECURITY." I will say it again, "NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM INSECURITY." Think on this. Ponder it. What do you think about that? How often do you meet up with her? Is it time to say goodbye? Is it time to let this friendship go? If you're like me, you are ready. Some of us have already started on the journey to letting go of our insecurities. Letting go of Insecurity won't happen over night. It's a cultural thing. We must tackle it together. Let's meet. Let's discuss. Let's be honest with each other. We will need to be vulnerable. It will take work to truly say goodbye. But let's do it. Let's speak the truth. Let's live in the truth.
Contemplating change, Cindy
P.S. I wrote a post last August about just this thing. If you missed it and are interested, I've included this link to the archived piece, "Got Those Less Than Feelings?" Be assured that this won't be the last time you hear me spout off about this topic.
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